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February 2012

Top twenty tweaks

I’ve been meaning to blog about #clienttweaks, a hashtag that came out of a Twitter conversation last year, full of imagined amends to classic lines. It was partially documented on this Creative Review post.  

I thought it would be interesting to take the top 20 slogans from the recent edition of Creative Review and imagine how they might have been tweaked in the hands of less imaginative clients. Amends are detailed below.

1. Beanz Meanz Heinz
Nice – just a couple of typos:
Beans Mean Heinz

2. Just Do It
Love the sentiment, but it’s a bit abrupt – can we make it more of an invitation?
Feel Free To Do It

3. Does Exactly What It Says On The Tin
Not all our products are in tins, and we need to emphasise how we add value:
Does Exactly What It Says On The Packaging – And More

4. Make Love Not War
Can we cover ourselves by adding in a message about safe sex? Something like:
Use A Condom, Not A Cannon
(Needs work)

5. Every Little Helps
Sounds small-time – please amend to:
Every Massive Saving Helps

6. Have A Break. Have A Kit Kat.
Let’s not confine ourselves to breaks – we need to occupy the entire snack territory:
Have A Kit Kat Any Time, Anywhere.

7. Vorsprung Durch Technik
Love it – this will be ideal for our German market.
Please let us know the English version.

8. Think Different
Pretty sure this should be an adverb:
Think Differently

9. It is. Are you?
Definitely use this, but need to tweak it as we’re not independently owned any more:
It is, in spirit. Are you?

10. It’s Finger Lickin’ Good
Nice – just missing the ‘g’:
It’s Finger Licking Good

11. Say It With Flowers
Too generic – need to own it:
Say It With Our Flowers

12. Keep Calm And Carry On
Please change to:
Keep Calm Going Forward

13. It’s The Real Thing
Please change to:
It’s The Genuine Article

14. You Either Love It Or Hate It
Love the opening – rest seems a bit negative. Please change to:
You’ll Love It!

15. Because I’m Worth It
Love this. Any suggestions for making it more exploitative would be great.

16. Snap! Crackle! Pop!
Nice three-part structure, but can we get more selling points into it? Something like:
Taste! Nutrients! Value!
… not quite the same ring to it yet, but I’m not the writer.

17. Never Knowingly Undersold
Love the simplicity, but legal have asked if we can tone down the ‘never’:
Infrequently Knowingly Undersold

18. Liberté, Egalité, Fraternité
Très bien. Fraternité est un petit peu sexiste, n’est-ce pas? Tant mieux!

19. Refreshes The Parts Other Beers Cannot Reach
Like it, but the url and Twitter handle will be a problem. Can we go with:
Refresh Yo’ Head

20. No One Likes Us, We Don’t Care
Really brave. Can we try flipping it round to emphasise the positive? Something like:
Everyone Likes Us, Because We Care

Otherwise, all good to go.


Footnote: You can read more about the original #clienttweaks here, with Mike Reed as one of the early pioneers, alongside Tom Albrighton, who later initiated the entertaining #xmasclienttweaks over the festive period. Many others have contributed to the hashtag, although it was sufficiently long ago for Twitter to have lost the results. Will have to excavate them and put them all in one place at some point.

Sloganz Meanz Commentz


I recently had the strange experience of being quoted at length in the Daily Mail. They'd picked up on the recent top twenty slogans edition of Creative Review, which placed 'Beanz Meanz Heinz' at number one. The most entertaining thing was reading the 69 comments that followed.

It should be said that laughing at Daily Mail commenters isn't so much like shooting fish in a barrel as draining the barrel of water, nailing the fish to the bottom and hiring fifteen trained marksmen to spray them liberally with machine gun fire.

There is also the lingering suspicion that these may be spoof comments, possibly even written by someone at the Daily Mail to keep the traffic up. Nevertheless, they have the ring of truth about them. 

The poll may have had most people pondering what makes a good slogan, and which one might be their personal favourite. That's most people. Daily Mail readers immediately fear for the future of our once great nation:


Mr G of South Yorkshire angrily dismisses Heinz and marches off to Aldi:


This sparks off quite a debate, with the suspiciously named Albert Hall:


Mr or Mrs Wind in the Willows tries to make the peace, reminding us that beans are good whatever the brand:


I'm not sure what this next comment is getting at, but I think they're suggesting a rewrite of the greatest slogan of all time:


Meanwhile, Paevo from across the Atlantic has perfected the Daily Mail tone of voice:


Paul from Lancashire makes what is surely a spoof comment, but then who knows?


A Spurs fan from North London makes a telling point that may lead to a reprint of the Creative Review issue.


But my favourite comment came from Mr M in London. It's not the spelling, it's the contribution itself:


There's a kind of genius in that one. My favourite is that one I can't remember.

The story appeared in the Mirror as well, but no one commented on it.

(Top image taken from The Guardian, following Google image search for 'Daily Mail reader'.)